SummerBox55

Hi Sarahcan :)

Fuck This

I’m not sure why, but getting older seems to make things more confusing. It’s like the more I learn the more I realize I don’t know anything. Maybe it’s that I’ve lost faith in the things I have believed in for so long. And that’s the problem right there, the so long part. It’s like how long can I believe in something that just doesn’t seem to occur. How long can I wait? At a certain point you start to feel you are deceiving yourself. At a certain point you start to hate yourself and everyone you love and who loves you. Start to push them away. Don’t want to be part of them, and the pain, and the world. And the tears never stop, do they? And I’m wondering if one day, some day I can make some sort of sense of all of this, some sort of peace, some way of knowing it was not in vain. Nothing and no one inspires me now, and I wish I could get that back, that inspiration that love of life that love for myself and the world and everything and everyone in it. But I don’t know how to get it back, and I’m scared I never will. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep crying and feeling sorry for myself. But I don’t know what else to do. I don’t think that anything I do will really make a difference anyways. It’s always the same. After all this time, what’s really changed? Other than me slowly dying inside, slowly letting go of everything.