SummerBox55

rant and disappointment

yourwrite:

It is always I who is required to change. I love you and everything, but almost everything I do, separate from all of you, ends up being a problem. From staying up late because it still continues to be something I love doing {the still, quietness of the night is unrivaled…even the bumps} to wanting to have dates with myself {or just a cup of tea and a Nutella sandwich…which inevitably adds a solid soft 5-10 lbs.}. Why am I always having to accomodate you?

I can’t have certain friends because it makes you insecurity show. Then PULL DOWN YOUR DRESS! Seriously, that’s bullshit. I have to feel uncomfortable because of my friendships because you can’t trust me. Especially since I’ve been 100% faithful to you since we decided to make things official. I couldn’t even have a 2 months to be single without it being the root of our biggest relationship problem.

BUT…I miss you all day. Waiting for you to come home, waiting for the date we didn’t have last night, an idea I came up with so that we were sure to connect every day but still have time to do whatever…and you decide to go out to a party. To something you know is never guaranteed to be amazing. To sweat and wine up with other girls. Shut the fuck up if you think I don’t know you don’t dance with other girls.

Seriously, if you call me tonight, the resentment might stick. You think I’ve changed and have become less aggressive or whatever; you want to know why? Because of your immaturity and the constant bullshit arguments you concoct because with a.) you don’t know how to get over yourself or b.) you really are just trying to sabotage us. Either way, you know I’ll be alright. There’s a Day of Paris scheduled in my future…with or without you on that plane seat next to me. My mother tells me that I don’t sleep at night because of a meme, a mind virus, that tells me that I am programmed/hard wired like this, but you know, I don’t want to change. I love this about myself. I might suffer when classes start again and it won’t last once I start working, but who cares. And if anyone cares more than me, you need a fucking life.

You need to grow the fuck up and stop thinking everything is about you. You waste too much energy thinking that and getting mad over THE MOST insignificant things. Exert that energy into making yourself a better man…a grown up man. Learn to take care of yourself properly and learn a few feminine, domestic skills so that you’ll be an awesome husband. Not just an average, “take up your socks off the staircase for the 100th time” kind of husband. It won’t make you a homosexual or whatever, but it will make you a catch. And if you go through life fearing the former more than aiming for the latter, then you don’t deserve a good woman. Someone “jus suh” will do.

You make me tired. But I’m not. I’m going to continue working…continue creating things until something really special is made. And then, that’ll be another notch on my belt. A more important type of notch.

Whatever.

The truth. Isn’t it beautiful? I think it is the most beautiful qaulity in a person when they are honest.